Mercy

You may wonder why I haven't written much since I got here to Prague. I was hiding. I was pretending that everything was okay. It wasn't okay. It was hard!!! I have never felt so lonely. It was an awful feeling to not know who I could trust, not know who to turn to. I tried to turn to other things (pleasures of the world) that seemed familiar to me to satisfy me. I tried to enjoy jogging or eating desserts. But I was still not right with God. Here I was teaching great truths from the Bible...but my students' faces were veiled...How could their eyes be opened if I wasn't even standing on the truths that the Lord had given me myself!? What a sad time. I was scared to tell anyone how scared and helpless, lost and alone I felt. I tried to deal with it on my own. Tried to put on a happy face and just keep living. Hmmm, bad idea. Can't hide from God! He knows ALL.

One night in my lonesomeness I tried to listen to Hillsong worship music on the internet. It was a huge concert and there were hundreds of people there. Unfortunately instead of feeling like I was participating in the worship, I began to see my hardness of heart. I felt that I was outside looking in! Instead of being part of the family of God praising Him, I saw how I had let doubt and fear overwhelm me so much that I was separated from the whole worshiping group! Deep in my heart I wanted to be let back in! I had to admit it...on my own, I didn't really want it. On my own I am rebellious. On my own I had been preferring to doubt everything. Why? Because I cared more about what the people around me thought than about the truth! Sad to say.

The Lord continued to wake me up. An opportunity was presented for me to go on a return trip to Ireland where I studied abroad in 2005 and where I became a Christian for the first time. I wasn't sure if I could afford the trip, but I sensed that I could go, so I stepped out in faith. By His grace the Lord provided for the whole entire trip! What lavish grace He has for us! What abundant awesome LOVE!!!! Here I was-an awful sinner who was convinced in her pride that she could do it alone, that she could make it through alone, that if she just worked harder and was "better" then God would be pleased (such a Pharisee! Trying to live by the law!)

But God had better plans for me...In His love here are some of the things that He taught me in Ireland: He showed me that Ireland had remained a beautiful place. He had held it together there without me!! I didn't have anything to do with that place for almost five years, but God had continued to take care of it, improve it, change it. He holds all things together...Plus, I realized that things that used to scare me when I used to live there for a semester were no longer frightening. God had been teaching me! He had been working in my heart to give me peace and rest in certain circumstances. Additionally, my good friends loved on me! Oh my. What a blessing to be treated with kindness, grace and hospitality when I knew in my heart that I deserved only punishment for the way that I had been living. I am talking lavish grace here people! Not only were my flight tickets paid for in full, but accommodations (including the hostel we stayed at), and lots of the meals we enjoyed were paid for by my very dear and very generous Christian friends! What!? This doesn't make any sense!! Why would the Lord treat me with this undeserved kindness after the way that I had been acting toward Him?! Oh praise Him. Thank God that there is a better way to live!

Let me tell you it is no fun to try to live by the law. My life had become a ritual of "rules" that I had made up for myself. Maybe some habits are healthy, but these had become obsessive. I mean, like I told myself "if I don't do wall-sits every day then that is bad." Kind of ridiculous. Nowhere in the Bible does it talk about needing to have a perfect body in order to love and serve the Lord! I think that because things felt so uncertain and out of control all around me (especially with the added challenge of living amidst people speaking a foreign language) I had tried to organize my life to try to keep myself "safe" and "protected."

But God is our fortress, our Rock and our Deliverer! HE is our ever-present help in time of need! In my pride, I tried to hide my troubles from God. How foolish. I needed HELP!! (Maybe I didn't want to admit that I wasn't a super-missionary because I feared losing "support" from people.) Whatever the reason, my life was spinning out of my control.

I read a passage on the plane ride back to the Czech Republic. It was about trusting the Lord with all of your heart and leaning not on your own understanding. It says in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight! (Proverbs 3:5-6) AMEN! That was a verse that had been given to me in Ireland when I first became a believer...but for some reason I had not been holding it to be true for myself anymore. Why oh why did I think that I was more trustworthy than the God of the Universe who made me!? Foolish, foolish child!

God is so good. He takes me back. He holds me to His chest. He tells me that I am His!

Why don't I seek Him first!? Why do I try to go running off on my own?? What do I have to prove????! I'm nothing without Him. I am really learning this now. I mean, I have said that before. But now I KNOW it is true! It is true for me! When there seems to be no one else in the world who I can turn to or trust, God is there! God is Here! God is here NOW! He is with me all of the time and He loves me and He cares for me and He provides for me and He is good!

We "believers" have a choice...we must be careful now...Ask yourself: "Kate, who are you really trusting TODAY for your salvation??" Is it your "good" works?? or is it the LORD JESUS?

As for me, I don't want to go on pretending!! I am not righteous on my own! I don't want to just put on a "happy face" and say "yes, I'm fine." "NO, I'M NOT FINE!!" I am a dirty, rotten, awful, messed up SINNER!!! That is who I am! AND! I have a God in Heaven, my FATHER! He loves me amazingly. He SEES ALL of my sin (even all of the sins that I was trying so hard to hide) and He loves me. He sees my sin and He forgives me!!!

Now, "how is this possible?" you might ask. Well, I'll tell you. It's a miracle of GOD! He sent His only son JESUS CHRIST to be MY Savior! Praise God! And Jesus died once on the cross 2000+ years ago for ME, for MY SIN!

YES! It is true. It is true. Believe it all you people! Please hear me when I say that God is good! That God loves you ridiculously!

It seems incredible, doesn't it-that while we were YET SINNERS Jesus died for us?!

There was No THING good about Me. I was trying to run. I was trying to hide from God and live apart from Him in the darkness of the sin. Awful.

But God is loving. He is the Good Shepherd. I am His sheep. Stupid, dumb little sheep! Getting lost all of the time, wandering out of the pen, wandering into trouble, getting herself hurt and beat up by bullies who lie to her and scar her heart. Poor little wounded heart. Who can heal it???

JESUS CAN! The blood of Jesus covers all wounds. Nothing is impossible for God.

I tried in my own strength to make myself better, to make myself look "better" and "more pleasing" to God or to the world...I FAILED!!! I COULDN'T.

Oh what a hard truth for me to have to learn. ...Now I pray that the Lord in His goodness will keep me from myself.

Oh how I hate the Devil, the author of the lies that I had been believing. Now this devil is a crafty one. He puts people in one's life who seem harmless and trustable...BE WARNED! Oh, be warned. The devil prowls about like a lion seeking to kill and to destroy! Not only our bodies people, the evil, sinful devil wants our SOULS most of all! He hates us. He hates us because we are made in the image and likeness of God. God is glorious and the devil spurned God and turned away from Him in his wickedness, trying to be more powerful than the Creator of all things who loved him and made him. What a foolish devil. Now the devil knows that he will be suffering his punishment forever in eternity for the evil that he has done and is doing-for the terrible crimes and offenses that he caused and is causing every day against our Loving, Protecting SAVIOR, FATHER and FRIEND! And so the devil, in his bitterness, would like nothing better than to take us all right down to hell with him!

The world is, in fact, under the devil's control at this moment. He is the prince of the power of the air. People are believing his lies left and right as you can see from the evidence of the damage inflicted on peoples' lives all across the globe!

This isn't normal!!!! This should not be! We might say that a loving God would not permit this, that this isn't the evidence of love that we want to see. But, indeed it is people. God is loving, but He is also just. He must punish us for our sins. Indeed we are sinners. Apart from Him we don't even WANT to stop sinning!! In fact, the world likes living in sin. They actually ENJOY it! That is why they don't want to turn away, to turn back to God-because the sin that is in front of their eyes has blinded them.

Is there a cure? Yes. God is Sovereign. God is in control of this situation. He knows. He knows all. He knows every pain, hurt and tear. He cares. He cares very much!!

THAT IS WHY HE SENT JESUS TO DIE FOR US!!!

That is the most LOVING thing that He could do, you see!

We people are separated from God at birth by our sin. There is NO WAY that we can earn our "right" to enter His presence again. In fact, there is a GREAT debt against us. A huge debt that we could never, never repay. Just imagine...if God counted up ALL of our sins from the time of our birth. Lying, stealing, lusting, taking His name in vain, just to name a few...how MANY SINS there would be! Innumerable, almost? Well, God knows the number. He knows everything, even the number of hairs on YOUR head are counted!

So, what can be done to remedy this situation? God can NOT just allow all people, all of us sinful people to come freely back into His holy presence! No! No, no, no!! He is HOLY! THE MOST HOLY!!!

God in heaven can not tolerate ANY sin. Not one sin/offense can enter His Holy presence.

Jesus is God.

Jesus is Holy.

God sent Him to earth to become sin for us.

Jesus NEVER sinned!

It is amazing! He was fully man and fully God and yet he NEVER sinned!! Praise the Lord! Seriously, this would be impossible for anyone but GOD. Think of all of the temptations that we face every day...but JESUS NEVER gave in to ANY of them!!!!? Wow. Yes, wow. What power and self-control He has. We can pray that He will give us such self-control as well!

And now, about the problem of sin and evil. Well, Jesus Christ is completely holy. He is completely human and completely God. That makes Him the perfect SACRIFICE to die for our sins.

Remember in the Old Testament where the Jewish people had to bring animal sacrifices to the priest at the temple WHENEVER they sinned?! (Just to think how many animals I would need...a very large number...) Well, Jesus Christ is the NEW COVENANT. HE is the LAMB of God who was slain to take away the sins of the world.

Through Him alone do we have mercy. Now with this New Covenant in his blood, we NO LONGER have to take a ram, sheep or goat to the temple when we sin! Jesus died for us

ONCE AND FOR ALL!!

God DID NOT send more than one Savior!

Jesus IS the SAVIOR!

We don't need to wait any more (JEWS)...Jesus is HERE NOW!

HE is ALIVE and He is living well in me!!

Praise God for the good work that He has done for us.

He did not have to send one Savior to Africa, another to South America, another to Europe.

Jesus Christ's sacrifice was enough for ALL men during ALL time (before and after his lifespan on earth.)

He is the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last the Beginning and the End.

He wants you to BELIEVE in His power over the devil, over sin, over the sin in your life!

He is victorious! The enemy HAS BEEN DEFEATED! Death can't hold you down! Jesus Christ is triumphant! Let us celebrate! Let us start today praising and thanking our GOOD LORD for all that He has done and for all that He has yet to do to draw His people to Himself.

We are His, the sheep of His pasture. If we seek Him with all of our hearts, we will find Him. Start seeking today! You won't be disappointed. God is real and He loves YOU very much. He made YOU and He wants YOU to be with Him and worship Him in this world and in the next! Believe it! This is the Good News of the death and resurrection of our Savior Jesus Christ.